MY FIVE GULLIABLE/STUPID MOMENTS

REINDEER

I was sitting in a packed car on the way to porthcawl in the summer, with Sean, Jamie, Gareth and Ryan, my old college buddies. Sean suggested we go to Margam park to feed the Reindeer for Chistmas. I sat there indignant, replying sarcastically "Oh yeah, I bet they have an old man as Santa and midgets as elves too. What do they do? Sprinkle glitter over moose and tell you they can fly?" Silence.

"Reindeers are real animals Bethan"

"Of course they are"

"No, no we're serious"

Knowing the type of company I kept I refused to believe them. I was still tempted to not believe them even when they text an 'Ask-Any-Question' Company "Do Reindeers exist?"

That's still a story they tell everybody at Christmas.

GOD

This is a bit of a more serious one. I used to be extremely religious. If you met me when I was 15 you would be meeting a completely different person to the one I am now. Please don't get me wrong, the amount of respect I have for people that have faith is endless, but myself – I had to give up, because it felt like everything else was giving up around me. There's only so much God can do to a family to "test" your faith... and I guess I wasn't strong enough.

ABC CLUTCH

This is a pretty simple one – I thought the clutch of a car was the hand brake – because you "clutch" it.

FAILING MY SECOND UNIVERSITY YEAR

This is the first time I'll properly admit this. I could have passed. I blame the lecturers as if it's their fault but if i had just put my head down and got on with it I wouldnt be in the situation I was in now. I would've passed. However, I wouldnt have had as much fun and I wouldnt have the life I have now. So in a way I actually apprecaite the fact I failed a year because it did a lot more for my life than anything else ever could. It fixed my life around and sent me on an adventure which i really enjoyed rather than regretted. An adventure which im going back to. I'm visiting South Dakota in a few weeks time and I can not wait.

JACKALOPE

You've made some more new friends. One of these, a gay vegetarian with pink hair named Scott, takes you away for a weekend of sightseeing. You travel to Wall Drug, a strange themed street that prides itself on being overly 'hick'. It shows mounted animals on walls, banjos and statues of local heroes. Poker Ann, a really old lady who was amazing at Poker. Hunter Bob, a really old guy who was amazing at hunting. Taxidermist Joe, a really old guy who – well, you get the picture. You are silently grateful that there isn't a 'Child Molester Gerald', or something. Turning the corner of this street you witness something horrific. Something that Taxidermist Joe took pride in. Stuffed foxes, badgers and bear cubs dressed as humans and acting out daily routines, having breakfast, going to work, etc. You reel back in horror at this nightmarish scene and back onto something that prods you annoyingly.

Spinning around, you're suddenly face-to-face with something equally horrendous as before. A stuffed rabbit head with antlers mounted on a hunting plaque.

“That's a Jackalope.”

Scott has approached you and is offhandedly reeling out tourist information as if everything is completely normal.

“A Jackalope is a rabbit, with deer antlers.”

“I can see that.” You state. Fixed onto it's beady glass eyes. You seem to be imitating it by not blinking back, staring directly into it's lifelike but dead face. You begin to think it's quite sweet and innocent looking.

“Are they real?” You ask rather hopefully. Breaking the gaze and looking to Scott for answers.

“Of course. I used to have one as a pet. Mine grew to about this big” He stretches his arms to almost a metre apart and you gawp at the size in admiration.

“I won awards with it in a country fair when I was young.” comments Scott, after noticing your awed countenance.

“They're half Jack Rabbit and half Antelope” he continues. “They're known to be nocturnal creatures. They sleep belly up and their milk is medicinal, though very rare to obtain. They stay in small communities of other Jackalopes and can imitate sounds around them. It's been said that they can sing in chorus. Not very well, but they try.”

The penny drops.

“They're not real are they?” You look to Scott, utterly heartbroken.

He begins to laugh hysterically. You feel cheated, devastated and wronged. To remind you of the moment at which you lost your innocence, you purchase a stuffed toy Jackalope. Every time you look upon its horned fluffy face, you will be reminded not to be so naïve as to believe everything you're told. Especially about cute, fuzzy things with antlers.