MY FIVE SCARIEST MOMENTS

THE LAST VISIT

He was lying down in a bed. White bed, white walls, white bedding. All I can remember specifically- getting angry at the nurses because they wouldnt use the hand santizer that was there and required as he was high dependency. He was a shell. He was no longer a father and no longer whatever I wanted my dad to be. I knew deep down and it makes me sick that to this day I wasn't allowed near him because I had a cold. I had to wear gloves and a plastic apron. I couldn't say goodbye.

THROAT

Sit back with your head in my hands and whatever you do, dont look down. The three infamous words associated with Oblivion, but it was an obvilion into pain and not fun theme park rides. The needle was comedy sized and was put into my mouth while I was still awake. Petrified isn't the word.

HORROR

Horror films. Blood. Pus. Goo. I'm a baby.

ROLLER COASTER

Click clack, click clack. Your stomach churning, gurgling in fear at the thing you've put yourself through. You reach the top and plummet. I hate it. My first rollercoaster was a wooden horrible thing in Park Asterix. Far too rickety and far too fast. Far too everything. I also hate fair rides, because I don't trust anything that spends most of its time as a back of a van – so i suppose I wouldn't trust Optimus Prime either.

MARGARET THATCHER.

A friend has been sneaking alcohol in for you as you're currently twenty years old. A year short of being legal. Your friend buys the alcohol and passes it to you, leaving you by yourself to chat to whoever you can find. You find Paul.

Paul is a dickhead. That's the only way you can describe him. A stereotypical, verging on neo-Nazi, dickhead. You wouldn't put it past him if, along with his hunting gear and xenophobic demeanour, he was about to book himself in to get a swastika tattooed on his forehead. He probably wouldn't even feel the pain on account of his thick skull.

He's lovely to you at first. Of course, when you're in a foreign country everyone is lovely to you at first because you're quirky, different and you have a funny accent. What will later annoy you the most is how alarm bells didn't sound off with every word he spoke. When he tells you, through the chewing of his tobacco and spitting every few seconds onto the floor, that he hunts and his vast collection of guns are in his car, you are interested. You ask him questions about hunting and he looks surprised and speaks to you very condescendingly as he explains how to hold a gun as if it's something everything and their five year old child should know. You are, after all, in America.

You try to tell yourself to not be so judgmental. You have a friend called Sheryl who also hunts and chews tobacco. She goes out on the weekends and hunts with a bow and arrow, which you find to be one of the coolest things ever. She's genuinely a lovely person with an amazing attitude. It's just that this guy, Paul, isn't.

He begins to quiz you. An actual pop quiz on all of American politics. You know the basics. You felt the need to educate yourself a little about the country you'd be living in for a year. However, the questions being asked are American Politics Degree level. You stutter and inform him you don't know in-depth information about the political policies and parties. He decides, instead of understanding, to become angry. He accuses you of being a very ignorant person to travel to a country and not do any research. He decides to drop this point and then start asking you about your healthcare. He keeps repeating 'your' healthcare as if it belongs to you personally. What do you think of 'your' healthcare? What is the reasoning and logic behind 'your' healthcare? You decide to lighten the mood as he keeps driving you headlong into an awkward conversation that you have no intention of continuing.

“I don't really care. It's all free for me”

Paul does not take this well. He does not take this well at all. He begins to scream at you. He tells you that you are the most ignorant person he's ever met and within his slurred drunken rant mentions Margaret Thatcher. Your face drops. He has just said something positive about Margaret Thatcher. To a welsh person. He notices your expression and yells.

“MARGARET THATCHER IS THE GREATEST WOMAN THAT GOD EVER PUT TO WALK ON THIS EARTH.”

These words will stay with you forever. You remain silent. You think that if you retaliate he may attack. Or get a gun from his car. Or spit tobacco in your face. Or all of the above. You remain silent as his friend has to come over and remove him. You remain silent.